Couples Therapy in Halifax, Tantallon, Timberlea
Couples Therapy Works to Address:
Couples Therapy Works to Address:- Communication and conflict resolution skills
- Improving connection and emotional closeness
- Improving physical intimacy and enjoyment
- Repairing a relationship disruption and trust
- Overcoming an affair or infidelity
- Discussing co-parenting issues
- Mediating challenging discussions
Psychologist, Brad Peters, has over 15 years experience doing couples therapy. He practices a form of counselling that follows the basic principles of Emotionally-Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT). This is one of the most heavily researched and validated therapeutic approaches to addressing relationship concerns. He also draws upon attachment theory and integrates aspects of Short-Term Dynamic Psychotherapy where appropriate.
Philosophy of Couples Therapy
Grounded in attachment theory, Brad believes that a healthy and resilient relationship involves a strong emotional connection or bond. This means that each can be at times vulnerable with the other, expressing inevitable feelings of sadness, hurt, or disappointment. It entails an implicit emotional trust. We trust that it will matter, such that our partner will be moved in some way by our emotional disclosures. Via empathy and compassion, we feel less alone in our emotions. Our emotions become more bearable. We thus also re-affirm a felt sense of closeness with our partner.
When relationships run into difficulty, it is usually because we have 'lost' our way to the above. Or it was perhaps never firmly established. In either case, we may find ourselves in habitual patterns of communication causing emotional distance, bickering, and other problems. A psychologist specializing in couples therapy can help you identify and overcome such issues.
Structure of Couples Therapy
The initial session involves a couple meeting with a psychologist to describe the problems or challenges that bring them to therapy. Each person will have a chance to express how they perceive their relationship concerns. Brad will ask a lot of questions, but will otherwise tend to mostly listen.
During the second and third appointments, Brad will meet with each partner on their own. This is an opportunity to further explore individual perspectives and experiences. He will ask about family histories, previous relationships, and other important experiences that may be relevant.
These initial sessions are by far the most important in terms of building the foundations for a successful course of couple therapy.
In subsequent joint sessions, Brad will identify and explore the core relationship issues, including patterns that keep the couple stuck. In the safe environment of the therapy room, couples are encouraged to take emotional risks in communicating with their partner. While there might be some basic emphasis on ‘communication skills,’ a primary focus is the ‘here and now’ process of how couples relate to each other. The emphasis is not one of blame, but on identifying each person’s needs, emotional experience, and potential triggers. The process of therapy then involves identifying the maladaptive relationship pattern and finding ways to free the couple from it.
Challenges and Rewards of Couples Therapy
One could easily say that couples therapy is more challenging than individual therapy. The complexities of each individual is multiplied in how they understand and relate to one another. Moreover, a psychologist must grasp such complexities and convey it to their clients so that they feel understood. Finally, good couples therapy may not always be 'balanced' in terms of time and focus. Sometimes one person has to 'shift' somewhat, before new possibilities can open up in the relationship. As a result, one side may get a little more attention until that begins to happen. This should not be taken to mean that one side is necessarily 'to blame' (such situations can arise for many reasons).
A common example is when one person in the relationship is 'emotionally disengaged.' Until this is addressed, significant emotional disclosures from the other side are unlikely to carry much weight. The disengaged person may not be able to empathize. A psychologist might thus spend more time addressing the emotional disconnect before proceeding further.
Brad will use his experience and judgment to navigate these and many other challenges that could arise. One of the most important things in couples therapy, is having a good rapport with your therapist. If you do not feel heard or understood, or if you feel lost or unsure about the sessions, try to talk to your therapist about it. Keep in mind that a psychologist is working for you and should be able to clearly explain aspects of the therapy that are unclear. Therapists can and do make mistakes, so if miscommunications or misunderstandings occur, it is important to address them sooner rather than later.
Recommended Reading
Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love (Sue Johnson)
Sue Johnson is one of the pioneers of modern couples therapy. Her version of Emotion Focused Therapy has quickly become one of the most empirically validated approaches to working with couples. Drawing from attachment theory, this book outlines some of the fundamental ingredients for relating in an emotionally meaningful way. This book is an excellent adjunct to couples therapy. Couples who read it are often surprised and comforted by how many of the vignettes explain their own situation or describe how they feel.
Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (John Gottman)
Most relationship books focus almost entirely on emotional communication as the key to a great marriage. Dr. Gottman takes a slightly different approach, drawing from clinical experience and research. He shows that there is much more to a solid relationship than sharing thoughts and feelings. This book outlines the 'not-so-obvious' signs of a relationship in trouble, and describes protective factors that can strengthen a relationship. Using in-depth relationship quizzes, checklists, and exercises, couples will develop new skills to foster a happy and healthy marriage.